Missed Chances
by Nate Blodau
Summary: "I refuse to be the bearer of your consequence. Perhaps if things had been different..." (Pregnancy tw, possible cissexist language tw. Written for the Ailuronymy Writing Challenge.)


Meh. Not sure how I feel about this one but I'm posting it anyway.

Warnings for pregnancy talk and possibly cissexist language. I'm cis and this has a transgender character in it, so there's a chance I may have screwed up, and I apologize if that is the case, but I really feel the story called for it and I tried to do my best to make it work.

* * *

"So... you're saying this _wasn't_ an accident?"

The pre-evening glow of gold and red shone on the plain gray warrior's pelt, accentuating the clench of his jaw and the spiked fur on his hackles. But Briarstar was not moved, for this was simply Stonetail's way.

"Of course not," Briarstar said, flicking his tail nonchalantly.

"Then what are you doing on this side of the WindClan border? We have no quarrel with ThunderClan and I have no desire to start one."

"Because there's something I want in WindClan territory," the brown tabby replied. "Something very precious to me."

"And what is that?"

Briarstar just grinned, and Stonetail understood. His ears went back and his pupils dilated in surprise. "E-excuse me?"

"I want you, Stonetail. I have since we were warriors. You surely know this. It's not like I've been subtle all these seasons."

"But... but you're ThunderClan's leader. You can't go off trouncing around with a warrior from another Clan."

Briarstar flexed his claws. "So?"

Stonetail clenched his jaw again before answering. "So my answer is no. Not while you're a leader. Maybe.. maybe if we were younger, if things had been different. But I can't let you do this to your Clan."

"Who is even going to know?" Briarstar replied.

"My Clan would know if I bore your kits. I'm not like you, Briarstar. I have a womb. You would get to keep your secret from everyone because you do not, but I don't have that choice. I am a tom with the body of my mother and her mother before her and her mother before her. I would bear kits like my mother bore me, and you would get to go on pretending that everything was fine." Stonetail flicked his ears. "Perhaps if I had been born with a body like yours instead, then maybe. But I refuse to be the bearer of consequence for your actions."

Briarstar felt stung. Every single one of Stonetail's words cut him like a claw, but deep down, Briarstar knew he was right. Everything he was asking was unfair to his Clan, and unfair to Stonetail. He dipped his head at the gray warrior.

"You are right," he said quietly, and repeated himself so Stonetail could hear him. "You're right. I'm sorry. I was... I was only thinking of myself." Again he flicked his tail. "But know this: I have loved you since I was called Briarclaw, and you will always have shelter in ThunderClan's forest. This alone I can promise you until my dying day."

Stonetail sighed. "If only you had said this when you were Briarclaw... But, now, it is a love I cannot accept. I am sorry, Briarstar. It would do you well to find a cat in your own Clan. As I have."

Briarstar's heart skipped a beat, and all he could afford to say was, "Who?"

Stonetail chuckled bashfully. "Pebbleheart. He is good to me, Briarstar. He is an honest and true cat who has defended my tomhood since the moment he was a kit." Stonetail chuckled. "If... if everything goes well, we should be having kits before the season ends."

Briarstar's eyes narrowed. "Oh." So maybe Stonetail never loved him after all. Maybe he had only ever had eyes for Pebbleheart. Maybe Briarstar just needed to accept that he would never be in the picture of Stonetail's life.

"Don't sit there and look angry with me now," the gray cat growled. "You had your chance. Seasons passed by. And I'm happy now. Please, for both our sakes, look to your own forests for your happiness." Stonetail rose to his feet. "Now, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, old friend. This is WindClan land."

Briarstar snorted. "Don't talk to me like you think you could take me in a fight." He rose to his paws and lashed his tail. "StarClan bless your and Pebbleheart's kits." But it wasn't a blessing, for he spat out the words with anger. "Good night, Stonetail."

"Good night," Stonetail replied.

Briarstar turned his back on Stonetail.

–

Three moons had passed since that night. Briarstar had begun to court a cat from his own Clan, a young tom named Hollywhisker, Oatstar of WindClan had reported that indeed, the warrior Stonetail had given birth to a litter of kittens named Sleetkit, Silverkit, Nettlekit, and Orchidkit. Briarstar had gulped at the last kit, for he and Stonetail had met in a patch of orchid. Was this Stonetail's way of saying he did not hate Briarstar? He had hoped so, for he had not spoken to or even seen his – his old friend since that day.


End file.
